Lessons of the Last Month

I've been putting off writing this post to my blog because the thought of putting down the emotions of the last month or so into words was a little overwhelming. But, I know that this needs to be shared. And, for those of you who are faithfully praying for me, you need to know what you prayers are accomplishing and what you can continue to pray for.
It all started the day after Christmas. I went into the hospital in the morning and as I entered maternity, I saw a group of nurses with shocked looks on their faces and James, one of our Kenyan docs, had his head down and was shaking it. "What happened?" I asked. "We just couldn't save her" James said. When I asked who, he said it was the young girl he had done a C-section on the day before (he was on call on Christmas day). She had been doing well and then suddenly became drowsy and stopped breathing. Despite resuscitation, they were unable to save her. She was only 18 and left behind a beautiful healthy baby. An autopsy was done and she had suffered from a very large pulmonary embolus (blood clot to the lung) that was almost instantly fatal. While I felt better that there was nothing we could have possibly done to save her, I still grieved over the loss of this young woman with her whole life ahead of her and for her baby that would never know its mother. The other thing that grieved me was that when I told her husband and family, there was no outrage - no demanding to know what happened or demanding why - there was just acceptance. How sad that death is so common here that the death of an 18 year old is just taken with resignation.
I remember thinking "How can something so horrible happen the day after such a wonderful day?" The following day, at our Bible Study, without me telling him that this is what I was thinking, Bill talked about what happened after the birth of Jesus. Herod had all the boys under the age of 2 killed. "Can you imagine the heartache and the weeping?" He asked. I had never thought about it that way. In the same town where the Savior of the world had been born, not long after, massive unnecessary loss occurred. We are never told the reason for that. Was it part of God's ultimate plan? Likely in some way. Was it because this world is sinful and because of that, bad things will happen? Also very likely. Regardless, we know that God knows the reason why and sometimes that just has to be enough.
Following this sad time, I had some amazing answers to prayer. 2 women I had been following very closely delivered healthy babies. The first had had 4 miscarriages followed by a term stillbirth. So, although this was her 6th pregnancy, she had no living children. I was following her twice a week with ultrasounds and praying that God would protect her baby. She came in one day and the baby had an irregular heartbeat. We decided to go ahead and deliver her and her baby girl, Glory, came out perfectly healthy. What a joy to see her with her miracle baby! We praised God together for her and I can't think of a better name for her. The 2nd woman had lost her first baby during a difficult labor. She had come to me requesting a C-section for this baby and when I did her ultrasound, she had twins! We followed her closely and when she came in at 35 1/2 weeks with elevated blood pressure, we decided it was time to get them out. She delivered a healthy boy and healthy girl and I just saw them in follow-up this week. They are all doing well and mom couldn't be happier! I am so thankful to God for these answers to prayer and to know that He is doing amazing things in the lives of women here.
It is such a roller-coaster, with the joys and the lows. Last weekend, my Saturday started early with a C-section at 4 am. A mom had come in with undiagnosed twins and the 2nd one wasn't coming out. So, we went to theatre and when the baby came out, he wasn't breathing. The team worked hard on him, but was unable to save him. It was heartbreaking. I went home, and about 15 minutes after I laid down, I had a knock on the window from the watchman who said "Daktari, there's a patient who's unconscious on maternity." I quickly dressed and headed back in to find a C-section patient from the night before barely conscious (responding only to pain) and not moving her right side. After evaluating her, I decided she most likely had had a stroke. As I stood there trying to decide what to do next, I hear someone yell "Cord prolapse!" from the labor ward. This means the umbilical cord has slipped past the baby's head and is an emergency requiring an emergent C-section. So, as I ran to do that C-section, I called James to come in and attend to the barely conscious patient. We got to theatre (the OR) quickly and I was told by the nurse that he no longer felt a pulse in the umbilical cord. We proceeded quickly with the surgery, but despite that, this baby also came out not breathing and with a scant pulse. Again, despite over 30 min of resuscitation, this precious baby passed. I cried as I closed the patient. How could I have lost 2 babies that should have survived within the span of a few hours? In the midst of all of this, nurses were coming in asking Thomas, our anesthetist, for equipment to intubate the patient on maternity as she was now not breathing on her own. Following the C-section, Thomas and I went down to maternity and found her intubated, but stable. We decided to transfer her to Eldoret, as she needed ICU care. Unfortunately, I found out that Faith, 19 years old, passed away 2 days after that.
In the midst of all of this, I think it could be easy to question God's goodness. Thankfully, He peppers all of this with glimpses of who He is and with reasons to praise Him. I don't want you to think that all of my time here is filled with sadness, because there are so many reasons for joy! It just seems that this past month, God has been teaching me to rest in the knowledge of Him and that He is our refuge and never changes. I think it is best summed up by something a pastor said in a sermon I heard recently. He was talking about being joyful despite the current circumstances of your life and he said something I found to be profound - "Instead of judging God by what we see in the world, we should view the world in light of what we KNOW to be true of God." This has been a great comfort to me and I hope that it will be to you as well.
Thank you for all of your prayers and encouragement - they are definitely felt. I praise God for the opportunity to be here, despite the challenges, because He is showing me every day how sufficient His grace is.